女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓妳非常快樂。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？妳是說妳要離開？）
二: A burglar 入室盜竊者
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
三:The Looney Bin (瘋人院)
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
瘋人院
壹天晚上，在瘋人院裏，壹個病人說："我是拿破侖！"另壹個說："妳怎麽知道？"第壹個人說："上帝對我說的！"壹會兒，壹個聲音從另壹個房間傳來："我沒說！"
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚語）瘋子
（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在醫院、監獄)）
（3）insane asylum (瘋人院）
四:Mother Was too Busy 媽媽太忙
Mother Was too Busy
Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.
媽媽太忙
老師：邁克，妳老是叫妳的父親替妳做作業，這次又。。。。。。
邁克：對不起，老師，這次作業我本不打算讓爸爸替我做，可媽媽實在太忙
五:When Do People Talk Least? 人們什麽時候說話最少？
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人們什麽時候說話最少？
學生甲：人們在什麽時候說話最少？
學生乙：在二月。
學生甲：為什麽呢？
學生乙：因為二月是壹年中最短的壹個月。
兄弟夠不夠啊!~不夠說壹聲啊!~Fang: （出場） My name is Fang Fang. I am a student of Sanya No.1 Middle School.
Granny: 芳芳，芳芳。
Fang: Oh, my granny is calling me. Do you know my granny? Everyone in our neighborhood calls her "Modern Granny". She is learning English. She wants to learn English well. She wants to show foreigners the beautiful scenery of our city and tell them the interesting stories about the Li people.
Granny: （奶奶上。練讀旅遊英語300句 ） How do you do(好賭有賭) ? How do you do(好賭有賭)? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me， too. I can't speak Chinese（愛砍他死屁踩妳死）. Can（砍） you（油）speak English(英國歷史)? Yes, a little（啊裏頭）. What can I do for you（我砍愛讀佛油）? 這不，中國 加入了WTO，2008年又要舉辦奧運會，人人都在學英語，我也要學English….. 芳芳，芳芳！
Fang: 來了，奶奶。
Granny: 我的乖孫女， 妳再聽奶奶讀壹遍，看看還有什麽地方讀得不好。（讀旅遊 英語300句）How do you do (好賭有賭)? How do you do（好賭有賭）? Nice to meet you（奶死吐米油）. Me，too. I can't speak Chinese.（愛砍他死屁踩妳死）. Can you speak English(砍油死屁英國歷史)? Yes（爺死）, a little（啊裏頭）.What can I do for you（我砍愛讀佛油）? （她邊讀邊搖頭晃腦，很自豪的樣子）
Fang: 奶奶，什麽“好賭有賭”，是“How do you do? ”。不是“英國歷史”，是"English"。 是" Chinese"，不是“踩妳死”。跟我讀。How do you do?(奶奶跟讀) 不行，How do you do?（奶奶跟讀） 好，再讀 壹 遍，（奶奶讀）好,很 好.I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English?（奶奶跟讀）再來，I can't speak Chinese.(奶奶跟讀) 好的，再來。（奶奶讀）Can you speak English?(奶奶跟讀) 好，再練壹下。
Granny: （練讀兩遍）好了，好了，不錯了。（突然看見外賓路過）太好了！ 來了個老外！（站起，上前）Hello, (學外國人動作，伸開雙手 ) How do you do? What can I do for you?
Foreigner: How do you do? I want to go to the bank. Where is the nearest one?
Granny : （急忙翻書）芳芳，他說的話在第幾頁？
Fang: 這本書上沒有這句話。他想去銀行。Bank----銀行。（奶奶練習 bank ）(芳芳對外賓) Hello, welcome to Sanya. You are going to the bank, aren't you? Go along this street, when you reach the traffic lights, turn left. There is a bank about one hundred metres ahead, on the left, just opposite the bus station.
Foreigner: Thank you very much. Your English is very good.
Fang: Thank you.
Granny: Hello, I 帶 you go.
Fang: Excuse me, shall my granny take you there?
Foreigner: (對奶奶) Thank you. It's very kind of you.
Granny: (搖搖頭) No thank you. No thank you. (外賓顯出不大理解的樣子) How do you do?
Foreigner: How do you do?
Granny: Nice to meet you.
Foreigner: Me too.
Granny: 妳們瞧，我會跟老外對話了。(看書 ) I can't speak Chinese. Can you speak English?
Foreigner: (疑惑不解) Why, yes, of course.
Granny: No. No. 錯了，you錯了，看，在這呢。（指書上） “Yes, a little. What can I do for you?”（外賓明白了怎麽回事，笑）
Foreigner: It's funny.
(來到銀行) （解放路，汽車站對面）
Granny: Bank. Bank 到了。
Teller: Good morning. Welcome to our bank. Can I help you?
Foreigner: Good morning. Can I change foreign money in your bank?
Teller: Yes, you can. But what money would you like to change, please?
Foreigner: Some U S D notes.
Teller: How much, please?
Foreigner: Two hundred dollars in all.
Teller: Please show me your passport and fill out this exchange memo in duplicate.
Foreigner: (填好 換水單) There, I've got them finished. And here is my passport.
Granny: (指護照問) What's this?
Foreigner: My passport.
Granny: 買怕死婆（My passport）. 買怕死婆 （My passport）.
Teller: Yes, everything is all right. Well, by the way, how would you like the money, Mr Smith?
Foreigner: I don't mind. Any kinds of denominations are OK.
Teller: Here you are, Mr. Smith. Your money comes to RMB￥1，654.
Foreigner: Thank you very much.
Teller: My pleasure.
Foreigner：Your service is good and your English is excellent.
Teller: I am very happy to hear you say so. Goodbye. And enjoy your stay in Sanya.
Foreigner: Goodbye.
Granny: Goodbye（骨德拜）.
（走出銀行）
F: I want to go to some scenic spots.
G: 什麽“搏”？
F: Scenic spots.(拿出詞典指奶奶看 ) scenic spots.
G: 哦，是風景點。（想 了想）我帶妳go Luhuitou .
F: Luhuitou?
G: Yes. (指著300句鹿雕像的封面) Luhuitou。
F: Oh, it's a deer.
G: 對，對 Yes, yes, deer(爹),deer(爹)。（亮相）deer(爹)回頭.
F: 爹回頭？
（奶奶，外賓左下，黎族姑娘右上，奶奶，外賓左上）
F: Oh, a deer.
G: 我們到了。
Lg: Hello, welcome to Luhuitou Park.
F: Hello.
G: 姑娘，妳給咱老外朋友講壹講鹿回頭的故事，好不好？
Lg: 好的。（對外賓）Have you ever heard the story of "luhuitou"?
F: A story? No.
Lg: This story is about a young man and a deer long long ago.
F: A young man and a deer.（指塑像） Do you mean the man and the deer here?
Lg: Yes. He was a hunter .
F: A hunter?
Lg: Yes. One day, the young man went hunting and found the deer.
F: Oh, I see.
Lg: When the deer saw him, it ran away. The young man ran after the deer until they reached the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the deer turned its head and became a girl.
F: The deer turned into a girl? Really?
Lg: Yes.
F: (指塑像) I think this must be the girl.
Lg: Right. Do you know about the Li People?
F: Li People? Yes.
Lg: Later, the young man and the fairy girl fell in love with each other and they got married. They were the ancestors of the Li People.
F: This is really a beautiful story. And that is why Sanya is also called the "Deer City", isn't it?
Lg: Yes, you are right.
F: Thank you for your wonderful story. Are there any other scenic spots in Sanya?
Lg: Yes, there are many others. I suggest you go to Dadonghai, Yalong Bay and Tianyahaijiao.
F: Tianyahaijiao? What does it mean?
（黎族小夥子上）
Lb: Welcome to Tianyahaijiao.
（眾轉身）
F: What does it mean by "Tianyahaijiao"?
Lb: It means "the end of the earth.
G: （對Lg）Sea 是什麽？
Lg: 是大海。(奶奶練讀)
F: Tianyahaijiao is one of the famous scenic spots in China, isn't it?
G:(對觀眾) 我知道，China 是中國。
Lb: Yes . A lot of people from home and abroad have visited "Tianyahaijiao" and they say "Tianyahaijiao" has impressed them..
F: Yes. It's a nice place.
Lb: There are poems and songs written about "Tianyahaijiao".(播放歌曲) Listen, this is one of the songs. Its name is "Please come to "Tianyahaijiao".
F: It sounds sweet. I enjoy it.
G: 孩子們，我今天學了壹些English, 妳們聽壹聽，幫壹幫奶奶好不好？“銀行”是"bank", "怕死婆" 是什麽來了？
Lg: Passport 是護照。
G: 哦，" 怕死婆" 就是“護照”。還有“爹”是“鹿”，“sea”是“大海”。我聽妳們說那個“beautiful(比特夫)是什麽？
Lg: 不是比特夫，是beautiful。
G: 哦，是beautiful.(練習)
F: Ladies and gentlemen, Sanya City is a beautiful city. I am glad to see everyone speak English here in Sanya. This granny is also learning English. It is very convenient for us to come for holidays and do business in Sanya. When I go back to the States, I will tell my friends to come to Sanya.
All: Please come to Sanya. Welcome to Sanya