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舊詩新譯:徐誌摩的名詩《再別康橋》譯作

《再別康橋》是 徐誌摩 (1897.1.15-1931.11.19)的 名詩 ,其英文版本 眾多 ,譯者有華人也有 西人 。也有 東北話 的搞笑版。好比太極拳壹樣,派別眾多。下文第2)部分抄錄了其中壹個版本。

的確,詩歌本來見仁見智,隨者時光的流逝,不同的讀者讀起來自有不同的理解和觸動。今不揣冒昧,作了自己的翻譯,以推動社會主義文藝創作的百家爭鳴,百花齊放的新局面!

1)《再別康橋》

Bidding Farewell to Cambridge Again

- By Xu Zhimo, translated by Sam Gao

① Very quietly I turn away,

輕輕的我走了

② As quietly as I came.

正如我輕輕的來

③ Quietly I wave my good-bye,

我輕輕的招手

④ To the flaming clouds in the western sky.

作別西天的雲彩

⑤ The gilded willows by the riverside,

那河畔的金柳

⑥ Is my bride bathing in the twilight.

是夕陽中的新娘

⑦ Her dainty reflections on the shimmering waves,

波光裏的艷影

Forever flap in my chest from side to side.

在我的心頭蕩漾

⑧ The weeds that cling to the soft sludge,

軟泥上的青荇

⑨ Sway leisurely,

油油的在水底招搖

Beneath the gentle waves of Cambridge.

在康河的柔波裏

⑩ May I be that weed!

我甘心做壹條水草

? That pool under the shades of elm trees,

那榆蔭下的壹潭

? Holds not a fountain but the rainbow from the sky,

不是清泉,是天上虹

? Shattered asunder among the algae,

揉碎在浮藻間

? Yet holding onto a rainbow-like dream.

沈澱著彩虹似的夢

? To seek my dream,

尋夢

? I’ll pole a boat upstream,

撐壹支長篙

? To where the grass is more lush and green.

向青草更青處漫溯

? Loading the boat with starlight,

滿載壹船星輝

? I’ll break into a song in the starry night.

在星輝斑斕裏放歌

? Yet I fear I cannot sing out loud,

但我不能放歌

21 Because quietness is my tune of farewell.

悄悄是別離的笙簫

22 Even summer insects hush and hold their breath.

夏蟲也為我沈默

23 Reticence reigns over Cambridge tonight.

沈默是今晚的康橋

24 Very quietly I turn away,

悄悄的我走了

As quietly as I came.

正如我悄悄的來

25 Gently I wave my sleeves,

我揮壹揮衣袖

26 Not a petal of cloud shall I take away.

不帶走壹片雲彩

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2)附流傳百年的原英文譯文:

《再別康橋》

Saying Good-bye to Cambridge Again

- By Xu Zhimo

Very quietly I take my leave

輕輕的我走了

As quietly as I came here

正如我輕輕的來

Quietly I wave good-bye

我輕輕的招手

To the rosy clouds in the western sky

作別西天的雲彩

The golden willows by the riverside

那河畔的金柳

Are young brides in the setting sun

是夕陽中的新娘

Their reflections on the shimmering waves

波光裏的艷影

Always linger in the depth of my heart

在我的心頭蕩漾

The floating heart growing in the sludge

軟泥上的青荇

Sways leisurely under the water

油油的在水底招搖

In the gentle waves of Cambridge

在康河的柔波裏

I would be a water plant

我甘心做壹條水草

That pool under the shade of elm trees

那榆蔭下的壹潭

Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky

不是清泉,是天上虹

Shattered to pieces among the duck weeds

揉碎在浮藻間

Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream

沈澱著彩虹似的夢

To seek a dream

尋夢

Just to pole a boat upstream

撐壹支長篙

To where the green grass is more verdant

向青草更青處漫溯

Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight

滿載壹船星輝

And sing aloud in the splendor of starlight

在星輝斑斕裏放歌

But I cannot sing aloud

但我不能放歌

Quietness is my farewell music

悄悄是別離的笙簫

Even summer insects keep silence for me

夏蟲也為我沈默

Silent is Cambridge tonight

沈默是今晚的康橋

Very quietly I take my leave

悄悄的我走了

As quietly as I came here

正如我悄悄的來

Gently I flick my sleeves

我揮壹揮衣袖

Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away

不帶走壹片雲彩

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3)現譯者對2)的評議:

1 came here中的here實在是多余。Came 就足夠了。原詩此處拖泥帶水。

2求愛不成,心情應該不再是羅曼蒂克的,而是壯烈的或悲壯的,因此雲彩不可能是rosy clouds,而應該是fiery clouds或flaming clouds。

3徐誌摩時代,應該已是monogamy時代,不可能心裏想著壹個以上的新娘。所以應是 my bride,而不是 brides。也不可能是his bride。

7我不明白為什麽青荇被翻譯成“飄蕩的心”(“The floating heart growing in the sludge”)。

9湖很大,不可能是壹個樹的shade.

10-11原譯者沒有正確理解中文的意思。現譯(10)應該輕讀,而下壹句(11)要重讀。

11-12原譯的“Shattered to pieces among the duck weeds 揉碎在浮藻間 Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream 沈澱著彩虹似的夢”邏輯上有問題,沒有理解原文。沈澱者,則在水底也,怎麽可能浮在水面上,散落在浮藻間呢?“揉碎在浮藻間”是描述“彩虹”,但“沈澱著彩虹似的夢”是接著“That pool under the shades of elm trees

那榆蔭下的壹潭 Is not a fountain of water but the rainbow from the sky”說的。

14草都是綠色的,尤其是夏天,所以就刪掉green了。

13-15 to莫名其妙,刪掉。

15-16原譯兩次重復 starlight,現譯此次更改為更加簡潔短小的詞句。

15 Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight.? fully loaded讀起來太拗口,用詞太多。這是詩歌,不是散文!

21 Even summer insects keep silence for me。Keep silent此處改為hush,更為傳神。

24 flick是快速小幅度的揮動,如摁下壹個按鍵那樣的輕巧快速的動作。此處所以換成心境開闊時作者采用的更大幅度的“緩緩壹揮”- Wave。

***現譯者特別聲明:歡迎討論、批評!歡迎扔雞蛋!

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