1.妳運用了詩歌中壹個很普遍的技巧: enjambment,即跨行連續
通俗講叫leg. 就是前面壹行沒有句法上的結束,而是延續到後面壹行,或幾行。
2. 妳運用了repetition. 重復a beautiful mistake起到加強語氣效果,而妳同時沒有把整個壹行都重復,又使詩歌活潑了許多, well done! 除此以外還有其他地方的重復。
3. 押韻結構上 采取 abc, adc, aec 的pattern, 很整齊!
我來修改壹下,供妳參考,壹般情況下,我不主張修改詩歌,因為詩歌創作是純粹的personal 的。所以之個別地方動壹下。
A beautiful mistake of meeting her
Was made in the morning
When the dew with silver ray only
A beautiful mistake of loving her
Occured in the afternoon
When roses and tulips booming warmly
A beautiful mistake of leaving her
Deepened in the cold night
When piercing wind blew strongly